Tying the Knot While Taking Tests

Students Reflect on College Marriages

by Kirsten Koba

Des Moines, Iowa (Feb. 2, 1997)-- Here comes the bride, all dressed in...jeans, Nikes and an old backpack? Here comes the groom, ring and psych book in hand...

In a society that encourages young adults to place higher education and a stable career above all else, there are students who defy the "norm" by getting engaged and even married during college.

"Thirty years ago it was normal to get married during college, but today you definitely don't see it much. Whereas people used to come to college to get an education and find a spouse, courtship now takes a back seat. Students are here to prepare for a career," Tom Peterson, director of the University Counseling Center, said.

Although college engagement is not common, Kathie Hirschman, a Drake freshman, said that it seems completely normal to her.

"Most students who go to a good school like Drake are thinking about their jobs, not getting married. But it isn't that weird. Out of my graduating class of 100, five of us were getting married," she said. "I'm getting married this June, and it definitely seems right."

Still, it is difficult for many students to understand college engagements.

"Some people frown on our relationship because they can't see themselves getting engaged. It isn't right for them so they assume it isn't right for us either," sophomore Sally Aadland, who recently got engaged to sophomore Lathrop Preston, said.

Freshman Allison Bloss agreed that students tend to judge others based on their own experiences.

"It's really hard to imagine people my age getting engaged. I guess that's because I wouldn't do it and the majority of my friends wouldn't be able to handle it either," she said.

Besides not always gaining the acceptance of peers, there are very realistic problems which arise from college engagement and marriage.

"Living with someone day in and day out can cause a lot of conflict. It is hard enough getting up and going to class without worrying about someone else's needs also. It can really start to take its toll on academics," Peterson said.

However, Hirschman said that living with her fiancé and his parents has been beneficial when it comes to school.

"My fiance's mom just went back to school so we can do homework together. It is much easier to go to bed early and accommodate my own study schedule than it was in the dorms," she said.

Preston also said that engagement has helped his academics.

"If I have a really frustrating class, I can to turn to Sally. We really help each other out," he said.

Aadland agreed, "Engagement has encouraged us to really study hard. We know we have to do good so we can support our marriage after graduation."

College engagement can also limit some of the typical college experience.

"College is a time for experiencing new things, growing as an individual and just having fun. Tying yourself down so early really cuts off the freedom to do that," Bloss said.

Hirschman said that she does not regret missing out on the social aspect of college.

"I think I've always been mature for my age and my priorities are different. I like to go out and have fun, but even in high-school I wasn't big on parties. Frat parties and that sort of thing don't appeal to me, so I don't mind skipping them," she said.

Aadland and Preston have decided to avoid some of these difficulties by waiting until after graduation to get married.

"It isn't a choice of what we want to do more, college or marriage. Waiting is just less of a burden. We want to make things easier on the beginning of our marriage by having college taken care of," Aadland said.

Despite difficulties, Peterson said that college engagements and marriages can work out.

"The majority of adults, not simply college students, are not ready for the commitment of marriage. But there are people who can manage. If students are completely sure of their decision, marriage definitely has its joys and satisfactions," he said.

Aadland agreed, "I may be young, but I'm not scared. I know he's the one..."

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